It started when I gave up on drugs.
I am well aware that this may sound counter-intuitive but that’s how this journey (not trip) began. The first step was a straightforward, bold decision: no more narcotics.
Once faced with the devastating results of late-night partying, missing sleep and wasting money, the conclusion drew itself. I wasn’t sure what precisely I craved for in my life, but there wasn’t a shadow of doubt in my head about what I didn’t want.
Gratefulness is all that I feel now when thinking about that tipping point. A moment of clarity, instantaneous realization of my then position.
A choice was to be made, and I thought to myself: You either quit it all now, or you will get into trouble.
Hence, I stopped. Not gradually and by degrees but abruptly. Taking it easy on myself wasn’t my intention at all.
In the end, after a period of several slip-ups, I found myself more or less on the right track. Alcohol was another thing I abstained from then (to a reasonable degree). Cigarettes had their place on the blacklist.
This progressive process of getting a firm grip of my life and standing face-to-face with responsibility, chin up, coincided with a handful of certain key events. Taking a look back at it now, I can’t but express my astoundment.
Every coincidence happens for a reason
A day after a meeting with my mentor, during which I managed to discover the meaning of my life, I was sitting on a bench, waiting for my bus to come pick me up, reading.
‘Tools of Titans’ is one of the books that helped me. The story of how I first heard about Tim Ferriss’ ‘Tools of Titans‘ and how I came into possession of its ebook version is evenly fascinating as it’s convoluted. One could possibly even find it irrelevant, thus let me make a long story short: it was but a compilation of happenstances, impromptu decisions, out-of-the-blue acquaintances, and fluke.
On the digital display of my e-reader I came across both an unfamiliar and intriguing phrase: LSD microdosing.
Don’t worry, I’ll leave the science and technicalities at bay. Should you be inclined to deepen your theoretical knowledge on the topic though, you will easily be able to find plenty of articles, podcasts and entire book chapters devoted to LSD microdosing.
Word after word, the idea of LSD microdosing seemed more convincing to me. Extra online research followed and the merits of this practice emerged from the depths of the web, forming a clear shape of the possible future benefits. I saw that as a method to once and for all change my life, instill myself in this belief of existence devoid of vices and conviction of my own worth. And I was all in.
Yes, in a way a promise made to myself would be broken and a resolution wouldn’t be cultivated. For the time being.
If a month of regular, sub-perceptual dosage of a LSD would free me from the desire of other substances and have so big of an impact on my social relations and self-esteem (as the science has it), then I was ready to give it a shot.
Despite the controversy, the risks and the taboo – a rational decision, taking into account both the up- and downsides wasn’t anything like going to a club and popping pills on a whim. Responsible for my actions, aware of the vastness of this topic, I made up my mind.
Any details about how I obtained LSD I’ll leave for myself. In a plethora of countries, acid is still illegal and buying this substance might result in undesired outcomes, therefore I do not encourage you to try purchasing it.
Again: I do not recommend you undertake this illegal activity.
More importantly, though, I’m not discouraging you from giving LSD microdosing a try.
During my previous endeavors, I conducted every chemistry-related experiment with my best friend and soulmate. Or ‘drug buddy‘, call it as you wish. Were I to point out the things we smoked or swallowed together, I’d either make you feel sick to your stomach or bore you to death.
At first, he was skeptical. He had his well-substantiated doubts, yet he wasn’t cynical. Neither of us wanted to make hasty decisions or foregone conclusions, the same I recommend to you (not only when LSD microdosing).
In the end, both of us found it an intelligent idea worth giving it a try. Besides, two heads are better than one, aren’t they?
On a Friday night I went to a birthday party, where I stayed sober the whole meeting, only to get back home at 4 AM. Already content with myself for sticking to my guns and not even thinking about taking a sip of the devil’s water, I was ready.
The zero hour was about to strike. As advised, I stayed at home that day, alone, to see how my body would react to such a small amount (10 μg) of the substance. I did take a macrodose (100 μg) in the past, a couple of months earlier, and I wasn’t afraid of psychedelics.
To put it in a better way: I was genuinely curious.
Some two hours past when I noticed the first changes in how I felt and behaved: humongous happiness overflew me. I wanted to laugh, to smile, to dance. Nothing was any different as regards visuals, and it certainly wasn’t a different reality.
“Reality+” and “Reality 2.0” would be exaggerated names. To get the former, one would need a macrodose of LSD (some 100 μg), whilst to experience the latter, stronger psychedelics are necessary. At least in my understanding of the phrases.
Thing is, it was nothing but the regular reality. Only it was better, and felt better.
Best part of that day was music: the sounds which I felt in every bone and joint of my body, lifting me off the ground, making me feel the love; the sensation of being loved and the dire need to share this love.
What I had neither seen coming nor read about anywhere, was the dream I had that night. When I woke up in the morning I needed a moment for myself to figure out whether that was it or not – so realistic was the night vision, nearly tangible.
The images I saw during my sleep were so vivid yet so messed up I was mesmerized and petrified once the dream was over.
Based on further research, as well as my own observations, from then on I reminded myself to take every dose within the first two hours of my day. The first dosage of 10 μg, taken in the early afternoon, interfered with my sleeping schedule and imagination, whose activity would be increased while dreaming anyway.
Getting high in my dreams? Check!
The effects of sub-perceptual amounts of acid on my body were no longer a mystery to me, hence it was time to check how it affects me in somewhat more demanding circumstances – in social situations. Thus, I went to school.
Much to my advantage, those days were not regular days of studying, for they were filled with extracurricular, competitions-related classes. Those were the activities I already liked, only then I felt authentically passionate about them.
The feelings of flow lasted for up to 120 minutes, commencing some two to three hours after taking the dose. Having strong emotions about what I was doing, I felt fulfilled. When giving speeches and listening to my Spotify playlists, I knew that was it – and that it was great.
The one thing I would get slightly uneasy about was the size of my pupils. For me, telling whether they broadened or not wasn’t easy, and asking anybody’s help in assessing their width wasn’t an option.
As naturally as possible, I tried not looking directly into people’s eyes. No one ever paid attention to it. To be frank, I never take note of people’s eyeballs too much, hence I don’t see a reason why anybody would be so observant with me.
What is more, whilst speaking (either delivering a monologue or casually conversing) my body would become soft and flexible. My torso was like liquid, articulating every word spoken with a subtle movement: a lean or a bend.
Never have I thought that someone might even suppose I was on drugs or anything. I had a clear vision, though I behaved a teeny-weeny bit queer. Not that it bothers me, merely I hadn’t been so much so before.
Next came appreciation for nature. Again, nothing out of the ordinary, yet it began to catch my eye gradually more often. The beauty of everyday life would unveil itself, shedding light on its flabbergasting wonders.
It doesn’t mean I kept staring at trees like a madman. Looking at the natural phenomena, it was a feeling of satisfaction and appreciation of beauty that simply made me smile.
During social events, the up-to-that-point introvert would step off the stage and let the showman do the job. Not nosy but naturally interested in others. Arrogance decreased to the level of healthy self-confidence. Even when competing, courtesy and goodwill burst out of me.
Of course, those aren’t for the merit of LSD microdosing alone. It was the overlapping of many events and experiences (and likely a bit of the placebo effect) that drove the change. At this point I believe it’s crucial to highlight this: I wasn’t changed into a different person. Even with psychedelics, a 180-degree turn would be nearly possible. If one was to undergo such a major transformation, sooner or later people from our ambiance could find it suspicious.
What the LSD microdoses did was put the best of my assets to the top – not by minimizing the negative traits, but by multiplying what was already attractive and useful in me.
Yes, I did smile more, but it doesn’t mean I had never grinned before that. Throughout the previous weeks I have been introducing developments to my life, whose positive results were intensified.
Making you a better person based on the good person that you already are. Because you are.
Introducing new habits during a microdosing experience is another splendid idea. Everyday yoga and meditation are easy to get used to and still have their place in my strict morning routine till this day. Eliminating old self-detrimental practices, like smoking or drinking, results in complete riddance of lust for addictive substances.
In addition to those long-lasting personal developments, there were several episodes that possibly wouldn’t have happened had it not been for LSD microdosing.
Buying lunch at an oriental self-service restaurant, I advised a foreign lady standing in the queue in front of me on which soda to choose. “You should take the pink one,” I said. “It’s best with gin, but that maybe later on tonight.”
Chatting and joking with her for no more than 30 seconds, she offered to pay for my food. And my friend’s food.
Increased creativity and efficiency were yet another effect of the LSD microdosing experience. Countless new ideas occurred to me out of the blue, on a daily basis. I started a blog, came up with a crazy idea to hitchhike all the way from my home in East-Central Europe to Nepal, and launched my freelance career.
The most fascinating thing about the aforementioned revolutions in the way I live, is that they’re permanent. Despite the fact that I no longer take 10 μg of acid every three days, as I had been doing for a month, I still acknowledge the benefits.
The extent to which LSD microdosing changed my life for the better is tremendous. But again: it wasn’t acid alone that influenced me so much. Only through a combination with the inner willingness to change and openness to novelty can one get the best out of it.
A positive attitude from the very beginning, that’s another thing.
Inevitably, after an eventful month, the last day of the LSD microdosing experience came. Woke up, practiced yoga, meditated – a day so routine that I almost forgot to take the final dosage.
I looked at the small box on the palm of my hand. Damn, I thought, I already feel wonderful! I didn’t need any external aid, not anymore. The joy was within me.
Throw it out, that’s what I did.